Life's Little Hiccup's

Most people sail through day to day life relatively easily there are however others that happen to succeed at surviving life but have little hiccups along the way.
  I am unfortunately the latter an have decided to share my minor tribulations with you, not to emphasise the accidental or stupidity in the nature of my ways but to make you smile and encourage you that life should never be taken too seriously...

 For reasons unbeknown to me there is not a full length mirror in the flat, the only way to attempt a full view of what your wearing is to precariously climb onto a dining bench which wobble's might I add and jump to see the lower half of your body in a mirror sat on the fireplace, for those of you that know me, no I have not fallen off it yet!

 I woke in my normal sluggy manner, ever so slightly reluctant to motivate myself to get to work, grabbed my coat off the hook and began on my mission, it was only when I reached town some 20 minutes after leaving the flat that I caught my reflection in a shop window and appeared to have a long bushy tail! I discreetly pulled at my tail which like a magician pulling scarves from his sleeve seemed to be endless, It was my partners scarf that must have got caught in the coat hook and dropped conveniently to my bottom at which it lodged itself to form a bushy tassel tail! ( Hiccup .1.)

Arriving at work I had been left the task of changing the mannequins, awkward and heavy is the only way to describe this task as the customers glare at you in horror whilst you wrestle with a pair of plastic legs with your arms firmly wrenched around the crotch. On this particular day I had chipped the tip of the male mannequins nose off, this is minor others have lost fingers for getting their clothes taken off! I found some paint to cover the chip, 10 minutes later as I was stood on tiptoe straining to reach the 6ft man on a plinth to see if his nose was dry an enormous burst of laughter came through the doorway, three grown men were practically hunched to the floor crying with laughing watching my ET moment delicately touching a male mannequin. (Hiccup 2! )

 The day proceeded and I decided to get a chocolate bar to see me through the afternoon, whilst queuing for the self service checkouts in Boots the words of my boss resonated through my my mind not to lose her bonus points card, I had never used one before but was well aware of how long she'd been collecting points for. I watched the lady in front of me and felt confident that I knew what I was doing, so when upon reaching the checkout I saw a big shiny letter box hole under the receipt slot I threw the card into it,  the penny dropped the second I had done it and was reiterated when I heard it rattle in the bottom of the machine, I then had to explain to the attendant how the card had miraculously fallen out of my hand into the hole, she looked as me as though I was broken or was an absolute mentalist! ( maybe justified, was quite special!) She actually looked quite surprised when she found the card in the receipt bin, so I thanked her then had to return to work and explain why buying a chocolate bar had turned into a 20 minute ordeal! So the next time you nip out for a chocolate bar don't forget the little hiccups of mayhem that some people such as myself struggle with along the way and if you too suffer from hiccups try an see the funny side.... a day in the life of me is sometimes a lot harder than it looks.

The First Sleepover

Whilst watching my nephew spin vigorously in my imitation 60's retro bowl chair I asked him to stop spinning as he might break the chair, at which his response as he saw it was to pull the "duh" face at me! In his full expression he could not have expressed more the confusion and lack of comprehension in what I was asking him to do.
 It was only later in the evening when a severely pooped Aunty was reflecting on surviving her first and only nephews sleepover , looking around her non child friendly flat that it struck me! I too at that age could not have imagined anything more ridiculous than an adult telling me that a chair that spins really fast at great speed all the way around would be made just to sit in and look good, and not for any other purpose than for an 8year old to have the time of his life spinning in circles!
 So after a full day which began at a civilised and surprising 10 past 7 my chlorine stung eyes which were splashed to an obliterating amount whilst training a new recruit to the front crawl and computer gamed out strained eyes( he doesn't know I wear glasses)were ready for a well earnt nights sleep, with a smile on my face and a tired little boy back in the safe care of his loving mum's arms I flopped into bed, celebrating the joys of youth, a lie in tomorrow and probably a few more additional years added on to procrastinating at having children of my own. Admittedly I'am missing the part at which he was bouncing from the bed to the sofa at half 11, the bit where he threw up and the park incident which sent him home with a purple lump on his head, all in all we had a great time and It taught me to appreciate the slower pace to life that non parental guidance allows, I know without a doubt I'm going to sleep well tonight.

Beady Eyed Milo: Monday Morning Blues

Beady Eyed Milo: Monday Morning Blues: "So it's Monday, I wake to the sound of a duck quacking, my partners new alarm clock! All be it a call of nature it's not enough to kick star..."

Monday Morning Blues

So it's Monday, I wake to the sound of a duck quacking, my partners new alarm clock! All be it a call of nature it's not enough to kick start my day or motivate me to get out of bed, the snooze alarm rings for the forth time and I know that even pushed to the latest limits possible I have to get up this time.
  My eyes were crunchy, bed hair impersonating a member from Flock Of Seagulls and the power of a slug. To be fair this is not a reflection on it being a Monday but rather part of my general morning routine, waking up with the vitality and energy of roadkill and looking like an extra in Shaun of the Dead, but at least by 10.00 I resume human living status!
  However by 10.00 today I am not awake and I am not ready to face the onslaught of parents that think shopping is a fun child's day out and holiday makers from the world over asking me which clothes are for men, which for women and what their size is converted into european sizes in our very inaccurate variable sized clothing!

 The public seem never ending swarming through the doors and unfolding my neat piles of carefully folded items so in my head I magic myself into a leafy sea dragon, a creature to the sea world I was not aware existed until yesterday, but one that bends into the background defying belief in its mythical type of features. This works momentarily while the shops empty, then more customers arrive and the illusions shattered and once more I am aware that I am one of the many suffering from the Monday morning Blues and the weekend is still another four days away....

Productive Week Couch Surfing

Whilst I am usually a get up and go person I have spent the last week of my life in complete lethargy and procrastination as much through choice and the severe lack of funds to spend my time off of work frolicking! As a result the charming Oscar (hamster) smells like a product of poison, and I'm sure you could bleach your hair a stunning shade of blonde with 'Oscars Gold' his ever so potent urine, to put it bluntly!( sorry mum!)
 So with my energy of a sloth and mental inspiration of a slug I put my hard earnt time off to some serious sofa dedication, it was within this special time that I decided to bring you the only substantial fact that I learnt within my week which was;
The Gladiator Tree Frog has spines which grow on its thumbs which they use in defence to box against other frogs, they also grow a spin on their back-foot to use in combat.
So in my own Ally McBeal style imagination I bring you my little minds very own boxing tree frogs, enjoy.

A Little Piece Of Me

Welcome to my scary little mind of chaos, hopefully I will be able to delight you and tickle your fancies with some of my work I'll be bringing your way. Keep you up to date with any events I'll be taking part in and in the mean time share my warped little thoughts and illustrations with you, bear with me as I 'am part prehistoric when it comes to computers and technology but be prepared to be dazzled or totally bemused! For those of you that know me you'll know that not too many days go by that I don't land myself in an awkward situation or misadventure, activity or incident so i'll do my best to put pride aside and share my little life with you, but today is Sunday, I've already worked and am ready to put my hard worked paws to some sofa dedication, bye for now Milo